Explore Non-Traditional Relationships with a Life Coach
Stop being afraid for what could go wrong, and start being excited about what could go right.
What is a Non-Traditional Relationship?
Non-traditional relationships are romantic or sexual relationships that deviate from the traditional model of monogamous, heterosexual coupling. These relationships can take many forms, from polyamorous relationships with multiple partners to open relationships that allow for casual sexual encounters outside the primary partnership.
In a world where traditional relationship models are often assumed to be the norm, it’s crucial to understand the many different forms relationships can take. Understanding different types of non-traditional relationships can help people recognize and validate their own relationship preferences and support others in doing the same.
There are several types of non-traditional relationships, including monogamish relationships, polyamorous relationships, open relationships, and relationship anarchy (among others). Each of these relationship types has its own unique characteristics and challenges, and understanding them can help individuals make informed decisions about their own relationships.
There are some pros and cons to any relationship type. Being in a non-traditional relationship requires effective communication, trust, and respect. While this may come naturally to some people, it doesn’t always, and must be consciously maintained and improved. This can lead to great rewards in the relationship and a strong connection if practiced diligently, safely, and with mutual respect and understanding of your partners.
Common Types of Non-Traditional Relationships
Monogamish Relationships
Monogamish relationships are a type of non-traditional relationship that allows for some degree of sexual or romantic exploration outside of the primary partnership. This exploration is typically limited and agreed upon by both partners, and there is still a strong emphasis on emotional intimacy and commitment within the primary partnership.
Pros
Monogamish relationships can provide a sense of freedom and variety while still maintaining emotional connection and commitment to a primary partner. It can also provide opportunities for personal growth and exploration, and can increase communication and trust within the relationship.
Cons
Monogamish relationships require a high level of communication, honesty, and trust to be successful. There is also the potential for jealousy and insecurity to arise, especially if boundaries are not clearly established and maintained.
To navigate a monogamish relationship, it’s important to have open and honest communication with your partner. Both partners should clearly establish and agree upon the boundaries and limitations of the relationship, and check in regularly to ensure that both parties are still comfortable with the arrangement. It’s also important to address any feelings of jealousy or insecurity as they arise, and to prioritize the emotional connection and commitment within the primary partnership.
Polyamorous Relationships
Polyamorous relationships are a type of non-monogamous relationship in which individuals have multiple romantic and/or sexual partners, with the knowledge and consent of all involved parties. Polyamory emphasizes open communication, honesty, and mutual respect among all partners.
Pros
Polyamorous relationships can provide a sense of community and support, and allow individuals to explore different aspects of themselves and their relationships. It can also increase communication and trust within the relationships, and promote personal growth and self-awareness.
Cons
Polyamorous relationships require a high level of communication, honesty, and trust to be successful. There is also the potential for jealousy and insecurity to arise, especially if boundaries are not clearly established and maintained. Additionally, polyamory is not widely accepted or understood in mainstream society, which can lead to social stigma and discrimination.
To navigate a polyamorous relationship, it’s important to have open and honest communication with all partners involved. This includes establishing clear boundaries, discussing expectations, and checking in regularly to ensure that all parties are still comfortable with the arrangement. It’s also important to address any feelings of jealousy or insecurity as they arise, and to prioritize the emotional and physical health and safety of all partners involved.
Open Relationships
Open relationships are a type of non-monogamous relationship in which partners agree to have sexual and/or romantic relationships with other people outside of their primary partnership. The nature and extent of these outside relationships can vary greatly between partnerships.
Pros
Open relationships can provide a sense of freedom and variety, and allow individuals to explore different aspects of themselves and their sexuality. It can also increase communication and trust within the primary partnership, and promote personal growth and self-awareness.
Cons
Open relationships require a high level of communication, honesty, and trust to be successful. There is also the potential for jealousy and insecurity to arise, especially if boundaries are not clearly established and maintained. Additionally, open relationships can be stigmatized or misunderstood by mainstream society, which can lead to social stigma and discrimination.
To navigate an open relationship, it’s important to have open and honest communication with your partner. Both partners should clearly establish and agree upon the boundaries and limitations of the relationship, and check in regularly to ensure that both parties are still comfortable with the arrangement. It’s also important to address any feelings of jealousy or insecurity as they arise, and to prioritize the emotional and physical health and safety of all parties involved. It’s also important to use protection to prevent sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancy.
Relationship Anarchy
Relationship anarchy is a type of non-traditional relationship that emphasizes individual freedom and autonomy. In a relationship anarchy, there are no set rules or expectations, and relationships are allowed to evolve and change organically based on the desires and needs of the individuals involved.
Pros
Relationship anarchy promotes individual freedom and autonomy, and allows individuals to explore different aspects of themselves and their relationships without the constraints of traditional relationship expectations. It can also promote personal growth and self-awareness, and encourage open communication and honesty.
Cons
Relationship anarchy can be challenging for those who prefer structure and stability in their relationships. It can also be difficult to navigate without clear boundaries or expectations, and can potentially lead to feelings of uncertainty or instability in relationships.
To navigate a relationship anarchy, it’s important to have open and honest communication with all partners involved. This includes discussing expectations, boundaries, and desires, and checking in regularly to ensure that all parties are still comfortable with the arrangement. It’s also important to be respectful of each other’s autonomy and to prioritize open communication and honesty. It’s recommended to establish boundaries around things like time and emotional investment, and to be prepared for relationships to evolve and change over time. Additionally, it’s important to be mindful of the potential for feelings of uncertainty or instability, and to prioritize self-care and emotional support.
There Is No One-Size Fits All
It’s important to recognize that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to relationships, and that different individuals have different relationship preferences and needs. Exploring and understanding different types of non-traditional relationships can help individuals recognize and validate their own relationship preferences, as well as support others in doing the same. By fostering open communication, honesty, and respect, individuals can build healthy and fulfilling relationships that meet their unique needs and desires.
Common Misconceptions About Non-Traditional Relationships
Monogamous Relationships
To de-bunk some myths about non-traditional relationships, we must first address the elephant in the room. Monogamous relationships.
Monogamy is the only “normal” or “natural” type of relationship: This is a common misconception that is not supported by research or human history. While monogamy is certainly a popular and widely accepted relationship model, it is not the only valid or natural way to form relationships.
Monogamy means never being attracted to anyone else: Many people assume that being in a monogamous relationship means never experiencing attraction or desire for anyone other than your partner. However, it’s normal and natural to find other people attractive, and experiencing these feelings does not necessarily indicate a lack of love or commitment to your partner.
Monogamy is easy and requires little effort: Monogamy can be just as challenging and complex as non-monogamous relationships. Maintaining emotional intimacy, navigating conflicts, and keeping the spark alive requires ongoing effort and communication.
Monogamy is inherently sexist or heteronormative: While it’s true that traditional societal expectations often prioritize monogamous, heterosexual relationships, it’s important to recognize that monogamy itself is not inherently sexist or heteronormative. People of all genders and sexual orientations can choose to form monogamous relationships, and these relationships can be just as fulfilling and equitable as any other type of relationship.
Overall, it's important to recognize that relationships come in many different forms, and there is no one "right" way to form relationships. By understanding and challenging common misconceptions about monogamy and other relationship models, we can foster greater empathy and respect for all types of relationships.
Monogamish Relationships
Monogamish relationships are just an excuse to cheat: This is a common misconception that assumes that non-monogamous relationships are inherently dishonest or disloyal. However, in monogamish relationships, both partners agree to the arrangement and establish clear boundaries and rules to ensure that outside sexual or romantic encounters are consensual and respectful. It’s not cheating if both partners have agreed to the arrangement.
Monogamish relationships are just a stepping stone to full-blown non-monogamy: Some people assume that monogamish relationships are just a temporary or intermediate stage on the way to fully embracing non-monogamy. However, this is not necessarily the case. Monogamish relationships can be a valid and fulfilling choice in their own right, and some people may choose to stay in monogamish relationships long-term.
Monogamish relationships are only for sexually adventurous or promiscuous people: Another misconception is that monogamish relationships are only suitable for people who are particularly sexually adventurous or have a high libido. However, monogamish relationships can be tailored to fit the needs and preferences of each individual couple. Some couples may only engage in occasional sexual encounters with others, while others may be more frequent or have more emotional involvement.
Monogamish relationships are not serious or committed: This is a misconception that assumes that non-monogamous relationships are less serious or committed than monogamous relationships. However, in monogamish relationships, both partners are still committed to each other and their emotional connection remains a top priority. Monogamish relationships can be just as serious and committed as any other type of relationship.
Polyamorous Relationships
Polyamory is just a way to justify cheating: This is a common misconception that assumes that non-monogamous relationships are inherently dishonest or disloyal. However, in polyamorous relationships, all partners are aware of and consent to the arrangement, and there is an emphasis on open and honest communication.
Polyamory is all about sex: Another misconception is that polyamory is solely focused on sexual exploration and gratification. While sex can be a component of polyamorous relationships, they are often characterized by emotional intimacy, communication, and the development of strong, meaningful connections between partners.
Polyamory is just a phase or a rebellion against traditional values: Some people assume that polyamory is just a temporary or superficial choice, or a rejection of traditional values. However, polyamorous relationships can be a valid and fulfilling choice in their own right, and are often characterized by a deep respect for individual autonomy and personal growth.
Polyamorous relationships are inherently unstable or chaotic: This is a misconception that assumes that non-monogamous relationships are less stable or more prone to jealousy and conflict than monogamous relationships. However, polyamorous relationships can be just as stable and committed as any other type of relationship, and often prioritize open communication, trust, and mutual respect.
Open Relationships
Open relationships are just a way to justify cheating: Again, this is a common misconception that assumes that non-monogamous relationships are inherently dishonest and disloyal, or that monogamous relationships are somehow more honest or loyal. However, in open relationships, all partners are aware of and consent to the arrangement, and there is an emphasis on open and honest communication.
Open relationships are all about sex: Another misconception is that open relationships are solely focused on sexual exploration and gratification. While sex can be a component of open relationships, they are often characterized by emotional intimacy, communication, and the development of strong, meaningful connections between partners.
Open relationships are just a phase or a rebellion against traditional values: Some people assume that open relationships are just a temporary or superficial choice, or a rejection of traditional values. However, open relationships can be a valid and fulfilling choice in their own right, and are often characterized by a deep respect for individual autonomy and personal growth.
Open relationships are inherently unstable or chaotic: This is a misconception that assumes that non-monogamous relationships are less stable or more prone to jealousy and conflict than monogamous relationships. However, open relationships can be just as stable and committed as any other type of relationship, and often prioritize open communication, trust, and mutual respect.
Relationship Anarchy
Relationship anarchy means not caring about anyone: This is a common misconception that assumes that people who practice relationship anarchy are unfeeling or selfish. However, relationship anarchy is often characterized by a deep respect for individual autonomy and personal growth, and a desire to form meaningful connections with others.
Relationship anarchy means never committing to anyone: Another misconception is that relationship anarchists never commit to anyone and are constantly seeking new partners. While relationship anarchists may reject traditional relationship structures and expectations, they can still form deep and meaningful connections with others, and may choose to commit to partners in their own way.
Relationship anarchy is just an excuse to avoid commitment: Some people assume that relationship anarchy is just a way to avoid commitment or responsibility in relationships. However, relationship anarchists often prioritize open and honest communication, emotional intimacy, and the development of deep connections with others, which can require significant commitment and effort.
Relationship anarchy is inherently chaotic or unstable: This is a misconception that assumes that non-traditional relationship structures are inherently unstable or more prone to conflict than traditional relationships. However, relationship anarchy can be just as stable and committed as any other type of relationship, and often prioritizes open communication, trust, and mutual respect.
My Partner Wants...
How to Have Open Dialogue About a Non-Traditional Relationship
First, it’s important to understand that this desire to talk about your relationship shows that your partner cares about you. Many monogamous relationships end because of cheating or an unfaithful partner. Often, a root cause of cheating is poor communication and fear.
Second, many people think that because their partner wants to explore, they aren’t adequate. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Clear your mind and think about it (honestly) for a moment. These are your thoughts and don’t have to be shared with anyone, so be honest with yourself. Not many people find that their partner gives them everything they want. Much like you want to wear a different outfit each day, sometimes your partner may want to try something new too. If your partner trusts you enough to talk, you probably aren’t being replaced.
This also doesn’t mean that YOU have to want the same things as your partner. It is important to remember that we all have different needs and desires, and our relationships are solely ours to establish.
Okay, I'll Try It. What now?
If you haven’t noticed the recurring theme yet, here it is again. Clear communication is key to making any type of relationship successful.
Here are some additional pieces of advice for those looking to explore non-traditional relationships:
Establish clear boundaries and expectations: Non-traditional relationships require open and honest communication about boundaries and expectations. Take time to discuss what each partner is comfortable with, what is off-limits, and what the parameters of the relationship will be. Be willing to adjust these boundaries as needed and communicate changes clearly.
Practice active listening: In non-traditional relationships, it’s important to actively listen to your partner(s) and be willing to empathize with their perspective. This means setting aside your own assumptions and biases and trying to understand their point of view.
Respect your partner’s autonomy: Non-traditional relationships often prioritize individual autonomy and personal growth. Be willing to respect your partner’s choices, even if they differ from your own. Remember that everyone has the right to make their own decisions about their life and relationships.
Be open to change: Non-traditional relationships can be dynamic and evolve over time. Be willing to adapt and change with your partner(s), and approach challenges as opportunities for growth and learning.
Practice self-care: Non-traditional relationships can be emotionally challenging, and it’s important to prioritize your own emotional and physical health. Take time for self-care, and communicate with your partner(s) if you need additional support or resources.
By prioritizing clear communication, boundaries, and mutual respect, non-traditional relationships can be just as fulfilling and rewarding as any other type of relationship. Remember to approach these relationships with an open mind and a willingness to learn and grow together.
I'm Not Sure About This, But I Love My Partner...
A life and relationship coach can be a valuable resource for individuals exploring and navigating non-traditional relationships. Here are some ways a coach can help:
Providing a safe and supportive space: A coach can provide a non-judgmental and supportive space for individuals to explore their thoughts and feelings around non-traditional relationships. This can help individuals feel more comfortable expressing themselves and identifying their needs and desires.
Helping to establish clear boundaries and expectations: A coach can assist individuals in identifying and communicating their boundaries and expectations in non-traditional relationships. This can help prevent misunderstandings and conflict, and promote healthy communication and respect.
Providing guidance and resources: A coach can provide guidance and resources for navigating the unique challenges and complexities of non-traditional relationships. This can include tools for managing jealousy, communicating with partners, and coping with difficult emotions.
Promoting self-awareness and personal growth: Non-traditional relationships can be a powerful tool for personal growth and self-awareness. A coach can help individuals reflect on their values, beliefs, and goals, and use their relationship experiences as an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.
Supporting emotional wellness: Non-traditional relationships can be emotionally challenging, and a coach can provide support and resources for managing difficult emotions, building resilience, and practicing self-care.
Overall, a life and relationship coach can be a valuable ally for individuals exploring non-traditional relationships. By providing guidance, resources, and support, coaches can help individuals build healthy and fulfilling relationships that meet their unique needs and desires.
Not All Coaches Are Created Equal
While life and relationship coaches can be a valuable resource for individuals exploring non-traditional relationships, it’s important to recognize that not all coaches are created equal. Some coaches may be more effective at talking about non-traditional relationships, particularly those with experience in non-traditional relationships themselves.
Here are some reasons why:
Personal experience: Coaches who have personal experience with non-traditional relationships, either through their own relationships or through working with clients in these types of relationships, may have a deeper understanding of the unique challenges and complexities involved. This can allow them to offer more nuanced and relevant guidance and support.
Cultural competence: Non-traditional relationships often challenge societal norms and expectations around gender, sexuality, and relationships. Coaches with experience working with diverse populations, including LGBTQ+ individuals and people from different cultural backgrounds, may have a greater understanding of these issues and be better equipped to offer culturally competent guidance.
Specialized training: Some coaches may have specialized training or certifications in working with non-traditional relationships. This can include training in polyamory, open relationships, or relationship anarchy, among others. Coaches with this type of specialized training may have a more comprehensive understanding of non-traditional relationship dynamics and be better equipped to offer effective guidance.
Open-mindedness: Coaches who are open-minded and non-judgmental about non-traditional relationships may be better able to support individuals exploring these types of relationships. This can include having a deep respect for individual autonomy and personal growth, and a willingness to challenge societal norms and expectations around relationships.
When seeking out a life and relationship coach to support you in exploring non-traditional relationships, it’s important to look for someone who aligns with your values and has the experience and expertise necessary to support you effectively. By working with a skilled and knowledgeable coach, you can feel confident and empowered as you navigate the complexities and challenges of non-traditional relationships.
About Bernardo Louveau
Bernardo Louveau is a certified global life coach, specializing in LGBTQ+ and non-traditional relationships.
Having been in a successful non-traditional relationship for almost a decade, Bernardo combines over 20 years experience as a coach and mentor with his personal life experience to help couples and individuals improve their lives and reach their maximum potential.
One of the biggest challenges my clients face is fear of the unknown. It’s normal. Trusting the process can be difficult, especially when the entire world has told you for years that non-traditional relationships are shameful and disastrous. I’m here to help you reprogram that fear & shame and turn it into something positive!